Saturday, 7 March 2015

Fantasy Baseball Team Names Part 1

Ted Williams Baseball Famous Quote Archival Photo Poster
In fantasy sports, as in life, what's on the inside absolutely, positively, unequivocally does not matter.  You can be the kindest, sweetest human being on the planet, but if your name is Flavour Balls or Tiny Kox then your life is essentially forfeit and you should stop depressing everyone by pretending otherwise.

Much like when I wasted hours of precious life providing you with original fantasy football team names back in July, I once again rebuffed my girlfriend and ignored my friends on a Saturday night to do this work so that you don't have to.

You may not win your fantasy baseball league this year, but you CAN have the best name... which, as we have established, is really the only thing that matters.

Below are 25 of the top 50 fantasy baseball players this season according to, with team names associated with each player created by me, the lamest human being on planet earth.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Fantasy Football Team Names: Kicker & Defense Edition

People seem to have liked the previous entries (Part 1 and Part 2), but I realize that in covering the top 50 fantasy football players I missed out on something that every team has to have: Kickers and Defense.  

To that end, please enjoy the following list of fantasy football team names featuring the top 10 kickers and top 10 D/ST options, because I am a grown man who has literally spent hours of my life to help you choose your fantasy football team name.


Dan Bailey
Bailey's Irish Team
Bailey Double
Epic Bail

Mason Crosby

The Crosby Show
Mases Out!
Masonthing I'm Giving Up On You
You Crosby, There Will Be Consequences. What Part Of That Didn't You Understand?

Monday, 9 June 2014

Fantasy Football Team Names Part 2

Aaron Rodgers Celebrating with Lombardi Trophy after winning Super Bowl XLVIf you haven't read Part 1 yet, please do.  

Here is the remaining 25 players to round out the top 50 so I can help you win the only thing that actually matters in fantasy football: Funniest team name!

Friday, 6 June 2014

Fantasy Football Team Names

The hardest part about fantasy football is not the draft.  Nor is it the trades, choosing your keepers, BYE week planning or even waiver-wire hawking.  No, as every fantasy veteran knows, the hardest part of any season is deciding what to name your team.

Team names are not easy.  Team names have to be funny, clever and relevant to your roster.  In 2008 everyone raced to shoehorn a reference to dog fighting into their team names.  Last year every league had a guy who thought any combination of the words "Hernandez" and "Murder" was pure comic genius.  (If you are reading this thinking "Wait, I was the guy with the Vick and Hernandez themed team names those years, and I'm hilarious!" then I am sorry to be the one to break it to you: You aren't funny and everyone in your league hates you.)

No matter how deep your league is, there is no reason you won't end up with one of the top 50 ranked fantasy players.  As such, I'm sure you will find this list of fantasy team names for the top 50 fantasy players (that I just sat here and wasted an hour of my pointless life making up) useful:

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Farts Dot Com

Update 7/10/2013 5:03PM EST: Within ten minutes of me tweeting this blog entry to NightFood's official stopped redirecting to NightFood's website.  NightFoodBar more like COWARDBAR.  ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, FARTBAR!

But don't worry, you can still see cached version on Google Cache: (just copy that into your web-browser) OR Archive.Org's way back machine. (Just type in and click "Take Me Back".  It's right there on June 30th 2013)

Thankfully - because we live in 2013 and everyone is already fully aware by now that my generation is a lost cause* - I am saved from having to write a transparent preamble where I try to give a face-saving explanation as to why I visited this morning.  Whatever.  I went to this morning, and now you should, too.

When you click the link to you will find that it immediately redirects to splash page for a cookies and cream flavoured dietary supplement specially designed for midnight-snacking called NightFood bars.  According to their website, these bars are a healthy late night snacking option that will improve the quality of your sleep.  The website answers questions on the product's origin, it's ingredients, has testimonials, and even offers free samples, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

Question #1: Did you purchase to do this?
A quick look at fart-related URLs on the GoDaddy domain auction site and shows URLs such as STARTING bidding at $20,000USD.

Did you pay 5 figures for  Does the Stinky in make it more desirable or less desirable?  I'm new to the world of fart-related web addresses and could use any and all information on the market that you are willing to share.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Handle Me At My Worst

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe

That quote.  That fucking quote.  We have all seen it before.  From the inside of high school locker doors to the lower back tattoos of 38 year olds still clinging to the absurd notion that real men should be like Nicholas Sparks characters (and all the Facebook statuses and campus poster sales in-between), that quote is everyfuckingwhere.  I'd take a steaming load of "dance like no one's watching" all over my face ten times out of ten rather than be reminded that you're "selfish, impatient and a little insecure..." every time you have a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Ignoring the source for a minute, let us just examine the quote, shall we?
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle."

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Merry Christmas from Dannomack's Angels

To show you guys how much I love you, my beautiful turtle doves put together a special gift for the holidays JUST FOR YOU!