Saturday, 7 March 2015

Fantasy Baseball Team Names Part 1

Ted Williams Baseball Famous Quote Archival Photo Poster
In fantasy sports, as in life, what's on the inside absolutely, positively, unequivocally does not matter.  You can be the kindest, sweetest human being on the planet, but if your name is Flavour Balls or Tiny Kox then your life is essentially forfeit and you should stop depressing everyone by pretending otherwise.

Much like when I wasted hours of precious life providing you with original fantasy football team names back in July, I once again rebuffed my girlfriend and ignored my friends on a Saturday night to do this work so that you don't have to.

You may not win your fantasy baseball league this year, but you CAN have the best name... which, as we have established, is really the only thing that matters.

Below are 25 of the top 50 fantasy baseball players this season according to ESPN.com, with team names associated with each player created by me, the lamest human being on planet earth.


Beastie Boys (Group) Music Poster PrintJose Bautista, OF Toronto Blue Jays
A Shot Across The Bautista
Joey Bats In The Belfry
Three MC's and One Jose
Jose's Got Us Fallin' In Love

Michael Brantley, OF Cleveland Indians
Brantley My Dear, I Don't Give A Damn
The MacArthur Genius Brant
We'll Never Be Royals, You Can Call Me Brantley
Let Me Be Your Ruler, You Can Call Me Brantley
The Michaelthur Genius Brant

Ryan Braun, OF Milwaukee Brewers
Brains, Beauty & Braun
The Ryan Game
Braunze Medal Team
Braun Is The Loneliest Number
Braun Before Brains

Madison Bumgarner, SP San Francisco Giants
The Pitches Of Madison County
Madi Moody
Mad Bummed

Miguel Cabrera, 1B Detroit Tigers
Miguello Darkness My Old Friend
Cabrerave All The Flowers Gone?
The Lion King
Robinson Cano, 2B Seattle Mariners
I Canot Even
Cano Feel The Love Tonight
Robinson & His Merry Men
Cano Not?

Nelson Cruz, OF Seattle Mariners
Cruzin' For a Bruisin'
Full Nelson
Cruz Control
HaHa! - Nelson Cruntz

Johnny Cueto, SP Cincinnati Reds
Cueto Minute Mr. Postman
Johnny Be Bad

Ian Desmond, SS Washington Nationals
Ian Over My Head
A Case Of The Desmondays
Ian Desmond Tutu

Corey Dickerson, OF Colorado Rockies
Dickerson? I barely know her son!
Corey Bout It
Corey, Not Corey!

Josh Donaldson, 3B Toronto Blue Jays
iamdonaldson
Josh.0

Jacoby Ellsbury, OF New York Yankees
The Ellsbury Dough Boys
J-A-C-O-B...WHY? Because I Gotta!

Edwin Encarnacion, 1B/DH Toronto Blue Jays
One Encarnacion Under God
Seven Encarnacion Army
Taking The Parrot For A Walk

Freddie Freeman, 1B Atlanta Braves
Freeman On The Land
Freddie Got Fingered
Freddie Bear




Inglorious Basterds
Paul Goldschmidt, 1B Arizona Diamondbacks
Paul That Glitters Is Goldschmidt
The Bear Jew
Goldschmidt Happens

Carlos Gomez, OF Milwaukee Brewers
CarGo Beep Beep
Precious CarGo
Going, Going Gomez


Zack Greinke, SP LA Dodgers
The Hunger Games - Aim Movie PosterZack Attack
Greinke My Dear, I Don't Give A Damn

Billy Hamilton, OF Cincinnati Reds
Stop! Hamil-ton! Oh-oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
Man Of Steal

Felix Hernandez, SP Seattle Mariners
Felix Felicis
The King's Court

Clayton Kershaw, SP LA Dodgers
Clayton On The World to Change
George Bernard Kershaw

Jason Kipnis, 2B Cleveland Indians
Nothing Personal, It's Just Kipnis
Jason The White Dragon
Kipnis Everdeen

Corey Kluber, SP Cleveland Indians
Kluber Lang
Klueless
Corey, Not Corey
Get A Kluber

Corey Bout It

The Simpsons
Buster Posey, C San Francisco Giants
Ring Around The Rosey, Pocket Full Of Posey
Buster's Last Stand
General Buster

Yasiel Puig, OF LA Dodgers
A Puig Of Their Own
That'll Do, Puig
Major Puig Baseball
ManBearPuig

Max Scherzer, SP Washington Nationals
The Scherzer Off My Back
Max Power
Scherz Happens





That does it for the first 25!  Part 2 includes players such as Jose Abreu, Bryce Harper and Giancarlo Stanton, so click here to read the rest.

Until then, head over to Twitter and tell me what your fantasy team is named (or, more likely, tell me what a massive loser I am).



Yo, that Zack Attack link up there under Greinke goes to an Amazon page.  If you buy the Saved by the Bell box set that it links to then they'll give me a few cents from your purchase.  Just wanted you to know so you didn't think I was pulling a fast one or something!

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