Friday, 6 June 2014

Fantasy Football Team Names

The hardest part about fantasy football is not the draft.  Nor is it the trades, choosing your keepers, BYE week planning or even waiver-wire hawking.  No, as every fantasy veteran knows, the hardest part of any season is deciding what to name your team.

Team names are not easy.  Team names have to be funny, clever and relevant to your roster.  In 2008 everyone raced to shoehorn a reference to dog fighting into their team names.  Last year every league had a guy who thought any combination of the words "Hernandez" and "Murder" was pure comic genius.  (If you are reading this thinking "Wait, I was the guy with the Vick and Hernandez themed team names those years, and I'm hilarious!" then I am sorry to be the one to break it to you: You aren't funny and everyone in your league hates you.)

No matter how deep your league is, there is no reason you won't end up with one of the top 50 ranked fantasy players.  As such, I'm sure you will find this list of fantasy team names for the top 50 fantasy players (that I just sat here and wasted an hour of my pointless life making up) useful:

(Players listed alphabetically by last name)

Monty Python

Keenan Allen, WR San Diego Chargers
Keenan Me, When You're Not Strong
Allen With A Pair Of Keens
Keenan Ivory Allen

Montee Ball, RB Denver Broncos
I Came In Like A Montee Ball
The Full Montee
Montee Python's Flying Circus
Montee Python & The Holy Grail
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Mini Bellatrix Lestrange
Le'Veon Bell, RB Pittsburgh Steelers
Le'Veon Britney Alone!
Bell-atrix Le'Streonge
Le'Veon On A Jet Plane
Alexander Le'Veon Bell

Gio Bernard, RB Cincinnati Bengals
Gio Fuck Yourself
We Don't Need No Water Let That Motherfucker Bernard
Sandra Bernard

Drew Brees, QB New Orleans Saints
The Brees Beneath My Wings
Supermole MVP Drew Brees
Pimpin' Ain't Breesy

Antonio Brown, WR Pittsburgh Steelers
Turn Brown For What
Antonio, I Don't Want No Scrubs

Dez Bryant, WR Dallas Cowboys
Dez Dance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
Dez Hoes Ain't Loyal
They Might Be Bryants

Reggie Bush, RB Detroit Lions
No Heisman, No Cry
The Bushwhackers
Fantasy Football
Jamaal Charles, RB Kansas City Chiefs
Jamaal I Need is a Miracle, Jamaal I Need is You
Charles In Charge
Jamaal Shook Up

Michael Crabtree, WR San Francisco 49ers
We'll Never Be Royals, You Can Call Me Crabtree
Let Me Be Your Ruler, You Can Call Me Crabtree

Randall Cobb, WR Green Bay Packers
Hard Time In Cobb County
Wee Wee Wee Randall The Way Home
When Did I Eat Corn On The Cobb?

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Victor Cruz, WR New York Giants
Victor Cruztina Barcelona
2 Live Cruz
SportsThe Cruzty Crab

Andre Ellington, RB Arizona Cardinals
N. F. Ellington
Beef Ellington

Larry Fitzgerald, WR Arizona Cardinals
Open Larry Permit
Epileptic Fitz
If The Shoe Fitz, Larr It

Matt Forte, RB Chicago Bears
I'm A Man, I'm Forte
Screens Are My Forte

Arian Foster, RB Houston Texans
Arian Brotherhood
Foster The People
Fun Bunch
Pierre Garcon, WR Washington Redskins
I Pierred Into The Abyss & The Abyss Pierred Into Me
In America The Name is "Peter Boy"
Garconchya Glad I Didn't Say Banana?

Toby Gerhart, RB Jacksonville Jaguars
Toby Eclipse of Gerhart
Toby Or Not Toby
Call Your Gerhart, It's Time You Had The Talk

Jimmy Graham, TE New Orleans Saints
I'm About To Go G.R.A.H.A.M
Jimmy Shelter
I Graham Whatever You Say I Graham, If I Wasn't Why Would I Say I Graham?

AJ Green, WR Cincinnati Bengals
It's Not Easy Being Green
The Green Monster
Roll The Green Into AJ

Janet JacksonRob Gronkowski, TE New England Patriots
Gronk In Love
The Gronky Tonk Man
Gronky Punch

Vincent Jackson, WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I'm Sorry Vince Jackson, I Am For Real
Vince Jackson If You're Nasty
VJ Jay

Alshon Jeffery, WR Chicago Bears
If You Show Me Yours, Alshon You Mine
Replacement Jefferys

Rashad Jennings, RB New York Giants
You Rashad Me At Hello
De-Jenningseration X

Andre Johnson, WR Houston Texans
I Picked The Wrong Johnson
Andre The Johnson
Andre The Jiant

That does it for the first 25.  The next 25 are available in Part 2.

Until then, head over to Twitter and let me know if you think I missed any good ones in this list!

Lombardi Trophy Image By JayJizzle [CC-BY-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

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