Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Farts Dot Com

Update 7/10/2013 5:03PM EST: Within ten minutes of me tweeting this blog entry to NightFood's official stopped redirecting to NightFood's website.  NightFoodBar more like COWARDBAR.  ANSWER THE QUESTIONS, FARTBAR!

But don't worry, you can still see cached version on Google Cache: (just copy that into your web-browser) OR Archive.Org's way back machine. (Just type in and click "Take Me Back".  It's right there on June 30th 2013)

Thankfully - because we live in 2013 and everyone is already fully aware by now that my generation is a lost cause* - I am saved from having to write a transparent preamble where I try to give a face-saving explanation as to why I visited this morning.  Whatever.  I went to this morning, and now you should, too.

When you click the link to you will find that it immediately redirects to splash page for a cookies and cream flavoured dietary supplement specially designed for midnight-snacking called NightFood bars.  According to their website, these bars are a healthy late night snacking option that will improve the quality of your sleep.  The website answers questions on the product's origin, it's ingredients, has testimonials, and even offers free samples, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

Question #1: Did you purchase to do this?
A quick look at fart-related URLs on the GoDaddy domain auction site and shows URLs such as STARTING bidding at $20,000USD.

Did you pay 5 figures for  Does the Stinky in make it more desirable or less desirable?  I'm new to the world of fart-related web addresses and could use any and all information on the market that you are willing to share.

Question #2: How much of the decision was motivated by weed?
You know who likes to eat late at night?  Stoned people.
You know who probably makes up 80% of's traffic?  Stoned people.

When night food founder/owner Sean Folkson decided to have a URL about stanky ass air redirect to his food product's website, it seems completely reasonable that he was trying to cash in on the coveted Joe Rogan podcast listener demographic.

If you're a stoned dude typing silly dotcoms into your Internet browser at 3am and a page pops up selling cookies and cream candy bars specifically made for people who are hungry at 3am and just so happen to type into their browser it would BLOW. YOUR. FUCKING. MIND.  You would think this website was a message from God himself SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU.

Or at least that's what I assume NightFood's marketing guy told Mr. Folkson before advising him to drop twenty Gs on a URL.

Question #3: Has the business brought in by made up for what it cost to buy it?
Another way to phrase this: how many stoned teenagers have used their parents' credit cards to buy ten thousand cases of your product at 3am?

Question #4: Aren't you afraid people are going to start calling your product FartBars?
I know I sure am!  I am about to order my free sample of FartBars right now!  FARTBARS!

*Thank God for Chuck Lorre.  If it weren't for Shows like Two and a Half Men becoming hits it might not be socially acceptable right now for an entire generation to be useless manchildren (and womanchildren).  If it weren't for shows like The Big Bang Theory becoming cultural landmarks people might not yet be comfortable with the idea that every person under thirty is only good for two things: being an unremitting financial drain on the generation previous and remembering the '90s.

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